So, just gave my stats page a little tiny glance. Apparently, this little blog that could hit an all-time high on April 16 with eight page views. That’s right. Eight! That’s enough people that, if we all wanted to go out to dinner, we’d have to make a reservation beforehand or risk getting nasty looks from the waitstaff. There is no telling how many of those hits were me, but I’ll take what I can get and declare this blog a smashing success. You keep on reading, friend Sarah!
Also from my stats page: I got the most unique hits on the gentleman dressed up as a unicorn, because apparently people were searching for the “porn” tag on WordPress. I’ll bet this is exactly what they were looking for.
Anyway, this experience has convinced me that when it comes to the WordPress stats page, I am pro, and also that I need to tag every single one of my posts ‘porn.’
And really, everything that exists, we are either pro or con, if only slightly. Of course, con is relative, and I wouldn’t deny my cons to the many, many people who love them.
That being said, I have little use for …
Corndogs: con!
Overrated.
First off, corn dogs contain corn bread, another thing that is gross. The next time I need a mealy, sweet, crumbly, overrated, blah baked good, yours will be the first number I call, corn bread. But you know what? That day won’t come, so don’t sit by the phone. There are 4,895,870 other baked goods out there competing for my tummy space and the vast majority are way tastier than you. Two, hot dogs are delicious on their own with normal bread-type bun. Why fuck with a classic? Three, a boy that broke my heart was obsessed with corn dogs, and had a dream of making his own that we always had to discuss, at length, whenever we saw corn dogs. Which was often. Do not want.
The flute: con!
Toot, toot, toooodle, toot.
Sorry, Friend Sarah. I know this was your bread and butter in high school. And yet, I cannot get behind the flute. If it just showed up and inoffensively provided a high register to the song, well, that would be fine. But it doesn’t. Flute will make its presence known, and that presence will in turn annoy the shit out of me. Flute is like a shrieking teenage harpy who isn’t as cute as she thinks she is.
In addition to corn dogs and flutes, I have about a billion more cons. Nachos, Oprah, kitty bites, bicycles, the environment in general, sweeping: con, con, con, con. Con.
But to leave you on a positive note: here are one quick pro.
Red Pandas: pro!
Awwwwwwwwwwww!
Best friend Wikipedia says the red panda is “a small arboreal mammal and the only species of the genus Ailurus. Slightly larger than a domestic cat, it has reddish-brown fur, a long, shaggy tail, and a waddling gait.” I want three! Sadly, Wikipedia also tells me that there are very, very, very few red pandas because they are not very good at mating. Red pandas, I speak for all of us when I say you are adorable, and thus need to get on your sexin’ grind ASAP.
It's so cute I want to hurt myself.
(If you want more red panda, I wouldn’t blame you one bit. Head over to Snuzzy)
Discussion question: Should I change this blog’s name to “Plat Facts,” and make it 100 percent about platypuses?
Blog Time Incorporated 